why didn't you poke me back
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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