Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
