I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
