dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize
