Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
You can't motorboat a personality
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
