I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
