I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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