I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
