He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
