You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
