i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
