In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
