Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
