did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
