college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
