break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize
