I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
