Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
You ate ashes out of my bong
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