I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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