So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
