The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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