you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
