I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
