According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
