I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
