She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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