Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
