Moan for me like Helen Keller
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
