if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize