Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
