Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
