i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
