What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
