It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
