So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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