grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
