Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
