someone get that fucking seahorse.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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