I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
