i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
