Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
