Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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