no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
