You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
