Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
