Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
