dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
