i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
