Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize
