Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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