i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
