so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
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